The Beauty Beneath It

I’ve always heard this analogy of God taking the all of the sins I’ve committed in this life (and the ones I haven’t yet committed) and washing them “white as snow.” Snow is always given this image of being pure, lovely and beautiful. We first see this analogy in the book of Psalms in the Bible. Psalm 51 was written by King David when he had committed adultery with a lady named Bathsheba. To some extent, I think that this a creative way for David to express this idea. Though it was therapeutic poetry for him, we must also not forget that this was his sorrowful prayer for redemption to God.

Though creative, I don’t much appreciate this idea. For me snow is like a thief. For a moment it covers up flaws or fills in cracks with pretentious beauty that I think is sneaky and destructive. At first glance we think it is lovely and soon forget that it is only for this season. The pretentious beauty holds us in vain astonishment as it widens these gaps, corrodes us and deepens the flaws. To me snow isn’t beautiful. It’s depressing and destructive.

I feel like snow contains more qualities for sin that it does for the forgiveness of sin. David’s analogy isn’t necessarily bad. It was the best one he could give at the time. I like to think of God taking my sin and washing them as white as a pure canvas because a canvas has the potential to be made more beautiful. In the time of King David, his culture wasn’t one that had this material in its grasp. In that time, the canvas either wasn’t used for that or it wasn’t yet invented.

In life, we are all like children finger painting the story of our lives when we ourselves are in control of it. Let’s be honest, we’re sloppy and don’t know what picture we want to paint. But God has always had the right picture in mind for us and the right tools: a paint brush and the right colors. When we are forgiven, we can either choose to follow God’s command (and plan for our life) or we can dabble our fingers back in paint and start painting yet another drastically tainted picture. The same way that one voice can’t by itself create a harmony, I can not make something beautiful of my life without God’s direction and command.

This season, winter, has always been one that has frozen me all the way to my core. My eyes this year are honestly fixed on what is right. I’m listening for a command from him, but my heart feels frozen. I am not at peace. The only time I get a glimmer of that peace is when I open up the Bible and read what I believe is the inspired word of God. I’ve been grasping at straws to see what I should do about this. In the recent years, I have come to understand that this comes from a chemical imbalance in my body.  Every year, I ponder on the same ideas… Should I move some place where the grey doesn’t affect me or should get on some medicine to help balance out my system?

I’m not really sure what God has in store for me. But I feel like I need to make some significant changes in my life. I feel like God has exposed to me a re-occuring pattern that needs some adjustment. Though I am covered and frozen, I refuse to continually be victimized by the pretentious beauty. I believe that God has created my life to be something significant. I may not be meant to live an extravagant life, but I’m meant to live a life of greatness. There’s something sparkling in my mind, saying “be prepared, this is going to get a little uncomfortable.”

My prayer to God is that he moves my heart again, helps me to take a step, and lets the blood cycle through my veins.  I pray that he’d ignite in me the process that will melt the snow away from my dead frozen body. Maybe and eventually, I would  walk away from this cold dark grave and into a warmer climate. I’m am frozen, Lord. I believe there is something truly beautiful beneath this pretense, this snow, this cold. Let it burn.


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